Majority of minorities/people of color have been taught since a young age to suppress feelings, to fight through, to not talk about struggles and trauma which has led to many turning to substances, drinking, sex, money, etc…
For many of us who grew up in the hood/lower economic areas we didn’t have resources nor the mindset to turn to professional help. There was a silent hush of you do not tell people your problems and let others know what was going on inside the home. Continue reading
There I am.
Breathing too hard to understand
Loud thunder above
Mind renting space to the surrounding forces
Here I am.
The ground shakes…
Body broken from the journey
The soul feels…
My voice reveals Continue reading
2017 was one of those years for me. Emotionally and physically I went through it. From getting sick early in March to battling with the sickness for the rest of the year put me on a rollercoaster ride I did not expect going into the year. I had aspirations that 2017 would be the year that I got back on track physically. Let’s just say that did not happen.
2017 was the year I learned a lot about myself. Through sickness, self-reflection, dealing with anxiety, making some poor decisions and going through counseling for a few months I was finally able to connect some dots and answer some questions I always had. For one, I am not as crazy as I thought I was! That’s a relief. 🙂
As a man and as an athlete, I was taught to fight through my emotions, not to feel, just tough it out and if you do feel it means you are soft. Years and years I suppressed my feelings. In tough pressure like moments, I would resort back to childlike behaviors and coping mechanisms that are quite frankly, not healthy. I never knew why I would resort back but I’ve learned this is what the brain does when it does not know new healthy ways to deal with problems.
Water lines coming down my face.
Walking through a dark and deserted place.
Dim light in front of me.
Shadow behind me.
What a reflection.
Melodies in my head.
Singing, “we’ve come this far by faith.”
Wondering what’s it going to take?
Deep, deep in need.
God is faithful. Need I say more?
It satisfies me to know that God’s faithfulness does not depend on me. His faithfulness is rooted in His love. Love is who God is.
Over the past year, I have been learning and I am continuing to learn how to live from God’s love and not for God’s love. His love has already been given to me through Jesus. It’s a beautiful thing. Really it is.
Faithfulness is a byproduct of being committed to something. A commitment is when you choose to be fully in mentally, emotionally and perhaps spiritually and physically. Throughout my life when I choose to commit to something, I am usually faced with immediate challenges. I know many of you may be thinking, that could be a matter of perspective. While this could be true, I believe a test comes after you’ve been given an assignment.
Think back if you will to school. Remember when your teacher would give out the first assignment of the semester? That first assignment would be the first of many worksheets that would build up to a test. I’m not sure if you thought like that but each assignment given was a build up to understand all that went into the first big test of the semester. Perhaps, making a commitment and being faithful is the same way. Continue reading
Growing up my identity was all about basketball. It was my world and at many times education came second. I never thought I would ever pursue a Master’s degree.
In my earlier years of life (elementary & middle school) I was all about academics. In fact, in middle school, I once had a 4.0 gpa and an overall 3.5 gpa. As I entered into high school, my life began to shift. My priorities, my decisions, and my mentality was slowly walking away from being a great student.